Is that directed to EE? Hi Toni

Of Course Not. How ya doin Jeff? Long time
no here from you. What’s going on with you? Your
gonna get some good news soon. I was thinking
about you last week and that’s what I thougt of -
that you were gonna get good news. Let me know
if you do. :D Now tell a joke.

No one has a joke to tell ?

It takes a whole lot of suits to keep a lawyer
well dressed.
-Henny Youngman

A new restaurant, owned by two lawyers, one Japanese and the other Jewish, opened up last week in Orange County. It’s called So-Sue-Me.

The best optical illusion pictures….

Browse through the slide show to see if you can figure them out!?

http://www.winterrowd.com/illusions/

Oh Man! Eddie I jumped out of my seat. When I jumped my 2 dogs jumped also and ran over to me and started barking. I couldn’t stop laughing they didn’t know what the heck happened. That was really cool. I forwarded it to my husband – when he comes home from work today and he goes to read his mail, I’ll let you know if he jumps also.
That’s the best scare I had in a long time. It gave my heart new life. :D

These jokes are for fun only! A lot of my friends
are lawyers and my daughter works for a lawyer,
so she got me this joke book and we send jokes
back and forth. Billy (lawyer) sends me jokes
about Italian people (becase I am Italian)and I send him jokes about lawyers.

So don’t take these seriously. It’s all in fun -
not targeted to insult anybody.

A string gets banned from a bar for getting too drunk and misbehaving. So that no-one will notice him, he ties himself into a knot and frays himself on one end. He returns to the bar, gets too drunk and starts causing trouble. The bartender asks him… “Hey, aren’t you that string who’s always in here causing trouble?”. The string repies, “Nope, I’m afraid not.”

(a frayed knot)
I’m glad you can’t throw tomatoes at me through the computer!

Hi Toni, I’ve been working in Steamboat Springs, Colorado on this new job. I rarely have internet access and don’t even have reception on my cell phone. Hopefully EE will email me the results. I hope everything is going good with you Toni, I was thinking about you too. now heres my joke….

This man goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs.
He says to the clerk, “I’d like to register my new invention. It’s a folding bottle.”
“OK,” says the clerk. “What do you call it?”
“A fottle, replies the inventor.”
“A fottle? That’s a stupid! Can’t you think of something else?”

“I can think about it. I’ve got something else though. It’s a folding carton.”
“And what do you call that?” asks the clerk.

“A farton”, replies the inventor.
“That’s rude. You can’t possibly call it that!”

“In that case,” says the inventor…
“You’re really going to hate the name of my folding bucket.”

Thanks Rich and Jeff, you made me laugh :D

This isn’t a joke, but I had to share with somebody…

My neighbors cat walked into my house, climbed on the couch, and has been sleeping there for the last three hours. He has woken up a few times, looks around to figure out where he is, and then puts his head back down and sleeps some more.

Weird, eh?

Maybe what is weirder is that I have the volumn down on the t.v. and am walking around quietly so I don’t disturb him. Weirder, eh?

i figured out why I am not disturbing him…

Mark, he is a gorgeous boy. What do they feed him? He looks so peaceful. Your a good neighbor Mark. That’s why good things happen for you.
Thanks for sharing. :D

Understanding Engineers – One

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
“Take what you want.”
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fitted you anyway.”

Understanding Engineers – Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers – Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!”
The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!”
The priest said, “Here comes the green-keeper. Let’s have a word with him.”
He said, “Hello George, what’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”
The green-keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”
The doctor said, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”
The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”

Understanding Engineers – Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers – Five

The graduate with a science degree asks," Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with an arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

Understanding Engineers – Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.”
Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.”
The last one said, “No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

Understanding Engineers – Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers – Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me I’ll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week.”
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.”
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess and that I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”
The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”

Stalin appears to Putin in a dream and says
‘Kill all your enemies and paint the Kremlin blue’
Putin says’Why Blue?’

Two old friends were sitting down, playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad, I’ve thought and thought, but what is your name?”

The friend glared at the other for a while, then replied, “How soon do you need to know?”

Two men are changing in the gym locker room. One guy puts on a pair of pantyhose. The other guy asks “When did you start wearing pantyhose?” The man replies “Ever since my old lady found a pair under the seat of my truck.”

Did you hear the one about the old man who lost his Viagra? ….

He looked and looked everywhere; He just couldn’t come up with it.

What does the Government and Wal-Mart have in common?

No matter what the weather, you can rest assure that they will have your pants half off.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: ‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’

“Can you read this "the optician asked?

“Read it” the Polish guy replied? " I know the guy. "

Watch out for snakes
chasing your tires

Removed by author…

Eddie, I like this one. But I will not give it away. Thanks for the laughs everyone.

my eyes..my eyes. lol, priceless.

That is just wrong. I advise anybody who doesn’t know the answer, STOP LOOKING! :O

I’m over thinking again. It’s the bear in the mirror right?

Toni, just let it go. It’s not worth it. And, I hope it is not eddie’s dining room set. eewwww.

Me too.

Alright.

Removed by author…

I got it.

Okay.

Okay-

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping thru the forest road when she sees the big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.

‘My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf.’

The wolf jumps up and runs away.

Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush.

‘My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf.’

Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.

About 1/4 mile down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.

‘My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf.’

With that the wolf jumps up and screams, ‘Will you knock it off, I’m trying to poop!’

www.bettertoilet.com

LOL Ron….

Wow Ron – even your toilet jokes are cool :D

I found that one, it seemed to go with my idea! ;)

Funny you should mention little Red and the friendly Wolf. One of my Spencer’s idea had to do with the pair!

Pray tell :D

I can’t let toni go on. I have to tell her. The GUY who took the picture was completely naked in the mirror. It wasn’t a bear suit, he looked like he weighed over 250 pounds. Now do you understand why I told you not to look! :)

Post inappropriate for a wholesome society. Removed by author.

Mark got the page.

Better go talk to God, Mark ;)

I’m going to go stick a knitting needle in my eye…

Toni, you can see the picture here:
http://www.ridiculent.com/2005/08/selling-table-on-ebay.html

Thanks Mark

You’re an adult. I can tell you it is not a pretty sight, but it’s up to you if you want to see it. I figured it would be better to point you to one bad picture, then for you to search through all the porn on the internet for it.

Been there – Done that ;););)

And searching through all the porn on the internet might become … “distracting”….

A man goes up to Dorothy Parker at a party and says’Jeez,Dorothy,havn’t seen you for a good 20 years’

Dorothy says ‘I thought I told you to wait in the car’